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Our Forefathers and Foremothers 19
A NERVOUS CONDITION
Because my mother suffered with what was then called a “nervous condition,” throughout my life, her moods changed. By the time I started school, my mother was usually in an ongoing argument with our landlord. This accounted for our frequent moves and for why I attended five different grammar schools.
The tragic part was that my mother’s illness wouldn’t be diagnosed as “manic-depressive illness” (later known as bipolar disorder) until decades later, too late to mend a broken heart or a marriage. The nearest thing to explaining her actions was that she was having “a nervous breakdown.”
Finally, my father told my mother he wanted a divorce, which completely unnerved her and caused my grandmother to faint. Fannie told my dad that she would commit suicide if he divorced my mother, saying it was a “shonda” — Yiddish for “a terrible shame” –– and no one ever got divorced in our family. My dad said he would try to make a go of it for my sake and my grandma’s.
My mother went to stay in Chicago with some cousins for a couple of months. My grandma, who lived on the next block, and Uncle Abe, who was studying philosophy at UCLA, stayed with my father and me, so it was okay for awhile. My mother came back in a very good mood and seemed “cured.” That lasted until I was in the eighth grade at John Burroughs Junior High.
My mother’s moods continued to go up and down. When she was “manic,” she was peppy and happy and could do everything, but when she was depressed, she could barely comb her hair. My uncle tried to help by making an appointment with a psychiatrist. But, as my mom was in her manic mood, she missed the date. She felt good and thought she didn’t need help.
My mother, Birdene, age thirteen.